Transportation

My neighbors are moving and apparently using our front door as a loading doc. I didn't realize this, so when I heard a rubbing/pushing/banging-ish knock at the door, I figured it was some sort of special-ed group or down syndrome league like, "Down But Not Out" or " 'Wheeling' to Survive" attempting to 'knock' at my door to sell candy bars or fancy cheeses. So I got up to look out the peep hole, but surprisingly did NOT see a group of ... what's the politically correct term... ahh yes; retardos. Instead I saw a large, dark obstruction of some sort.
For some reason I JUMPed out of the doorway, and ducked, as if the Transporter were just about to Johnny Cage my door down. I don't even know why I was ducking... I had already moved out of the way and there was nothing over my head! I gained my senses and looked out a side window and saw that it was the neighbor's bed propped up against the door. Which was gross to me.
I guess my point is, the Transporter was such a horrible movie we had to turn it off after 30 minutes or so.

Blogga Style

Today I am complaining about annoying personalities; not of strangers, but of those closest to you. Like friends that only talk about themselves, usually acting the whole time that they are needing your advice on their stupid problem, but anything you suggest is mushily replied to with a 'yeahhh, buttt...' or an, ' I don't know...', to which you're thinking "Of course you don't know, because if you did I wouldn't be listening to the mind-retardifying problems you have created for yourself." I typically continue on with a short prayer in my head to God, asking if I am being tested, or perhaps punished for something horrible I did in the past that I forgot about.

Another annoying personality I would like to discuss is the "I'm just sayin'... " person, who thinks that their personal observations about life are so far-superior to others' that they may as well rule Earth. This person usually starts sentences with "What they NEED to do is..." or "If they had a BRAIN they would...", and because you are either related to this person or are somewhat friends, you have to feign agreement or wonderment at their "amazing" ideas. Really in your head you're thinking, "What YOU need to do is shut the hell up, because you are just a loser with a loser job who compensates for being a loser by accusing professionals of being stupider than you are, even though we all know you are the one who is, in fact, stupider."

Lastly I would like to complain about those close to us with 'temperament' issues. I am mostly sick of them right now. You know, that person that you warn one another about, even though you all know him/her? Like, "You know so-and-so, he can be a real A-hole if you mention... farms, or triathlon... or ice-picks (or anything else that they should just shove up their asses if they get annoyed by)." I'm so sick of tip-toeing around 'delicate flowers', that have the nerve to call themselves friends OR family, when they are basically threatening you with crapping themselves, if you say or do the wrong thing.

Mission Statement

After sitting in front of my laptop with my fingers hovering over the keys, without pressing any, for 10 minutes as I watched my spouse flip through 600 agonizingly boring TV channels... I realized that there was nothing interesting nor intelligent on either the television or the internet.
I hate when I do a search on 'the google' and a blog pops up. Reading people's blogs is one of the most painful things to do in life... if you have a working brain. Imagine that person talking too loud at Applebee's or in line, that told everyone around them every stupid, boring, pointless detail of that stupid, boring, pointless story they subjected their 'friend' to; okay now that you're imagining that annoying person... picture CHOOSING to read about his or her stories online. Those are the type of people that blog: self-centered friendless losers, convinced of their own heightened intelligence.
Most people that are likable enough to have real live friends, that don't break if you spill coffee on them, can just tell their thoughts to them instead of creating another annoying blog. That said, I don't count because I really AM super intelligent, and I CHOOSE not to have friends!!! Damn it! So enjoy.

Offensieve; 'i' before 'e'

Today I coined the usage of the word 'offensieve'. It is a hybrid of 'offense' and 'sieve'. So it means 'to drain off the offense, leaving only the usable material'. I hope to use this blog to record all of the awesome thoughts I have, that I've been keeping to myself. I hope my spouse gets in on the action and we create a 'dual' blog.