Onion-Man

Onion-man: a mad-farmer who grew the worlds largest onion… but instead of entering it into a competition, he climbed inside of it and became “ Onion-Man!”: He who rolls around… flavoring sauces & bringing his enemies to TEARS!

Sarah Palin is the mayor of South Park.

I heard our new neighbor yell at her crying 6 yr old, “You’re disgusting! You have snot all over your face!”

Tigers Love Tomatoes

Some say dreams are prime creative real estate, so I am attempting to tap into my “creative-dream-engine’ by taking elements of my dreams and using them for story ideas. So for my first story I will take last nights’ dream and write it in a more cohesive story format. Here goes:

So there I was, in college, when I inadvertently won a dance contest. The reward for winning the contest was presented to me by Flava-Flav on live TV or, more accurately, was presented to me by Flava-Flav THROUGH the television set. As I drove with my family of face-less, brother-like characters to an unknown location, I realized Flava-Flav gave me the ‘boy’ prize instead of the ‘girl’ prize. After my fuzzy-faced brother showed me how to use my toy airplane called a ‘Maverick’, I grew happy. Finally we got to the hotel, where we realized the tiger sleeping in the corner only woke up when we touched the tomatoes in our salads.

Yes, I think I like this story. I will surely do this from now, ON.

Sleepy Thoughts

When I finally go to bed, I lie..... lye..., take-a-load-off in my bed thinking of super cool things. Some ideas are so awesome, I feel absolutely no need to write them down to remember in the morning (by morning I mean 3 pm-ish). After all, how could I forget the best thought ever thinked..... thunk... contemplated. But, inevitably I always forget.

Action descriptions for clothing are dumb. Physical descriptions for clothing make much more sense... like high-heels or khakis. The only exception for action clothing names, is if the action is mandatory. Like, you can only wear a bomber jacket if you are in the process of bombing someone. Or, you can only wear a wife beater if your wife is beaten up... by you.

Yeah, sooooooo... that's why I should start writing down my good ideas, so that I don't have to make up bad ones on the spot.

Projectile

It's so painful for me to go back and read previous blogs I've written. At the time I wrote it I thought it was clever, but after reading it later on it just sounds like I'm either slightly illiterate or have Asperger's. Once I've thrown it up out of my head... it is no longer appetising. One time I heard someone say that when you die, your "spirit" would "no more want to be back in your earthly body, than you would look longingly at your own vomit." All I have to say to that is; that would depend on what you had last eaten.

Chola ha ha

Just read the funniest definition ever. Located in the Urban Dictionary online:


7. chola :

a greasy spic ho that carries razors in her mouth and crabs on her hoohaa. Cholas have no conscience and will kill you for a dollar. usually violent and fat - always ugly

ex. "That burrito in the toilet smells like a chola."

fat greasy nasty ugly ho

Pulpage

2night I drank a bottle of wine... that's not that bad considering I only payed $1.97 at Walmart for it, so it was totally weak. Good though. 'Course, I won't know for sure until tomorrow. I need a job. I don't know how to find one though. I also have some sort of insomnia, which doesn't work well with seeking employment. For instance, tonight I had a plan to go to sleep around 10/11pm, but instead I ate until midnight, then put on our copy of Pulp Fiction and downed a bottle of wine. I wonder if I could find a job that paid for that kind of thing. haha.

Zed's dead. I am currently in between a health kick and a fatty binge. How can I be in between those you ask? Well, I bought 'good for you' snacks and food; like fish, red wine, dark chocolate/veggies/fish etc. The problem occurs when I drink the entire bottle of wine, and eat a huge bag of Raisinets. Or smother healthy items with sugar or fat. What are you supposed to do when you're not eating, sleeping, or looking for food? If I answer that question all will be well in my life.

"I'ma get mid-evil on your ass." - ha, havn't heard that line since childhood... anyway. Sorry for my boringment. G'nght

Can Die

I don't have anything to say tonight, but I am attempting to stick to my blog-a-night deal with myself. All I learned today is that wearing the color orange creates issues for yourself that could be avoided by choosing other colors. Orange shirts are bad, but orange bottoms are much worse. For example, if you wear orange with a black top you look like a Holloweiner; if you wear it with a white top you looks like you work at Hooters; purple and orange always equal clown; and if you choose any other bright color you create a geye-sore (that means gay eye-sore). The only good neutral color left to try is brown, and we all know brown and orange make poop.


I noticed that Barack kinda looks like a Tootsie roll. Look it up cuz I don't know how to post pictures on blogs yet.